I’ve made a lot of good, steady progress this week–I’m able to go on longer walks, I don’t need to use my heart pillow as much, and I have more energy. I won’t bore you with the details of my days because they’ve mostly consisted of reading, coloring (thanks Angela and Andrew!), practicing my bubble letters (thanks Monika and Derrick!), napping, walking, and cleaning out my email inbox.
On Friday, I went to UCSF for a follow-up visit with my cardiologist. He is really pleased with how the valve is doing; in fact, my right ventricle is already shrinking. In a few months my heart should resemble a normal heart for a woman my age. The cardiologist is optimistic that this valve could last as long as 20 years before it would need to be replaced with another valve (–this will be a less-invasive procedure than open heart surgery).
My mom keeps asking me if I’ve notice any signs that my heart is functioning better and honestly I haven’t felt much of a difference yet. My feet aren’t as cold as they normally are, which I suppose is a sign of improved circulation. But I think any differences I might see in terms of energy and stamina are blocked by the pain and discomfort and the fact that my body still needs lots of rest. I expect to notice an improvement eventually (especially once I’m able to return to work and yoga), but I realize it might take awhile.
My surgeon told me that several of his patients have reported that they didn’t realize the affects their poorly-functioning hearts had on not just their physical stamina, but on their emotional well-being as well. In fact, some of his patients report feeling less depressed and more happy after having surgery. Before this discussion with him, I hadn’t considered that happiness could be a positive outcome of the surgery. I’ve always thought of myself as happy, but if there’s more happiness to be had–I’ll take it!
However, I do wonder if this increase in happiness comes from a renewed perspective on life because this surgery is life-saving. It causes you to re-examine life and become more mindful. Throughout this entire process, I have tried to think of my heart issue and the surgery as teachers because they have helped me learn so much about my relationships, who I am, and how I handle scary situations. I am what one of my yoga teachers calls a “fighter,” which is both good and bad. It’s good because I have a lot of willpower and determination, but it can be bad because I have a tendency to want to control certain situations. Recovering from surgery has meant that I have had to calm my inner fighter and surrender control to my healing body. Thus far, I have learned a lot about having patience for myself and about asking people for help. So, while I haven’t personally noticed any major physical benefits, I am already experiencing benefits within, which could lead to greater happiness.
